Week One Picks Recap

September 13, 2006

mmmm...Matthew McConaugheyWell, the games are all in and I’m shaking my ass a little! I always say the first couple of weeks of the season are the toughest; you’re wondering who is up to game speed when it counts and who are just the pretenders. I wasn’t the sharpest cutie in the world this weekend, but I did call some upsets and you can’t beat my pick of Seattle to win straight up but lose the spread!

Here’s a recap of how we faired with our picks from last week.  We’ll get through this faster than a three minute pump chump! 

1. Pitt was tough to beat at home with that great D and the usual Daunte screwups.  Won straight up; Won the spread. 

2. Falcons put it together every other year. We must be in the “good year.” Vick looks like he’s been listening to Sinatra and is going to do it his way this season. Is Carolina over-hyped? I had trouble with this pick knowing that Steve Smith was going to be out but I still thought Carolina at home was good.  Boy was I wrong!  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

3. Ravens took it to the Bucs like Jack Daniels and beer take it to your head the next morning. Ravens look like the old Ravens on D from 6 years ago. Bucs better get Simms right before their season gets ruined fast.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

4. Couldn’t go wrong here could I?  Almost… lost the spread here but Tom ‘Hottie’ Brady pulled this one out just before ‘you know what’!  Won straight up; lost the spread.

5. Cincy took care of business like I thought. The line ended up being -1 and it was a steal.  Just because Herm Edwards took over as coach doesn’t mean the Chiefs will have a good D.  Won straight up; won the spread.

6. This game was one of two that really f’ing pissed me off! Denver is a much better team than this and they usually come prepared to win. Well, aberrations happen.  I’ll still be picking them a lot this year.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

7. The Saints go marching in! Fun game to watch! I did think Cleveland would show some more offense. Even though I lost this one I love the fact that New Orleans has something to cheer about this week and I still believe the Browns will have some upsets in store for people this season. Lost straight up; lost the spread.

8. The Jets find Chad Pennington’s arm and it’s in Nashville! Gotta tell you I did wrestle with this one but had to go with the Titans at home. Good series for Vince Young until the INT but he’ll start showing up more and more. The Jets offensive line is young and going to be a good one as time goes by.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

9. Philly was an easy pick, even when they got down 7-0 early. The Texans are regretting the Mario pick as we write. They still don’t have the players to compete and they don’t know how to win yet. Philly is looking tough again and McNabb looks more fit than ever. Won straight up; won the spread.

10. Here’s where I look like the genius that I can be from time to time. I told you they would win but not cover! Seattle has not been the best on the road and they got some shots put on them by the Marine(lli) led Lions. The Seahawks are going to miss Steve Hutchinson opening holes for you know who! They barely won the game but didn’t cover, proving that my ass still looks good even though I’m getting close to 28.  Won straight up; won the spread. 

11. Da Bears ran roughshod over Brett Favre! This one got ugly and I think everybody thought it would except those that live in Wisconsin. Backstreet boy Rex even threw a long TD pass. Won straight up; won the spread.

12. This was the other game that really pissed me off! Drew Bledsoe cost me money and I don’t like losing money on stupid f’ing INTs! This was ridiculous. Dallas had a chance to put the Jags away early and didn’t. Gotta hand it to the Jags they hung in there and played well in the second half, but please, without those INTs in this game, Dallas would have been the winner. Lost straight up; lost the spread.

13. The Cardinals are for real! Just hold on boys – yes they looked good on offense (again) but they should have easily covered this game by putting away the Niners early. The fact that they didn’t leaves plenty of questions on defense. The Niners have a much more mature Alex Smith and a good back in Gore. Look to play on them in some upset specials this season. Won straight up; lost the spread.

14. Indy just got by a very good Giants team. Had it not been for that terrible push off call on Tim Carter and some dumb mistakes by the Giants offensive line, this one would have gone to the home team. Giants will be a good team to put money on this year. Well coached, good lines on both sides, and some playmakers on both sides.  Won straight up; won the spread. 

15. Ahh! Another orgasm! Gotta love upsets on Monday nights! I don’t know what in the hell is all this bullshit hype about the Redskins this year. Due to a lot of luck last year they got by with a 10-6 record and then upset the Bucs in the playoffs. Trust me on this one -They’re a 8-8 team unless the ball bounces in their favor or some QB has an awful day. The Vikings are going to surprise people this year with a new head coach and Steady Eddie Brad Johnson at the helm. Look to play on them as underdogs this year! Won straight up; won the spread.

16. Did anyone think this would actually be a good game?  LT always goes off against the Raider nation and Aaron Brooks never fails to disappoint! The Raiders are a ship lost in a hurricane and the Chargers are looking to make a run at the AFC title. How about that ‘cutie’ Shawne Merriman?  Won straight up; won the spread.

There they are boys.  We have record of 9-7 straight up and 7-9 on the spread after the first week.  It’s not the best first week but that’s why it’s a LONG SEASON so keep coming back and listening to us.  Just like sex, it always gets better after the first time! 😉 

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Week One Recap

September 12, 2006

It’s one week into the season and as we are the fairer minded gender, we’re not going to rush into any hard and fast judgements about what happened this past week, but we will give you the fastest weekend recap, mentioning every team in the NFL.

AFC West: Looks like the Chargers are going to be the team to beat in the West.  The Raiders look confused, the Chiefs are hurt, and the Broncos have to beat their opponents and also not lose to Jake Plummer. 

AFC North: We’re gonna need to see a few more games before we annoint the 2006 Ravens as the 2000 Ravens (and we’re gonna need more time to finish our AFC North preview).  The Browns look scrappy and Charlie Frye looks like Jeff Garcia II.  Pittsburgh and Cincinnati won.   

AFC East: Chad Pennington still throws like a girl.  Daunte Culpepper still makes dumb mistakes.  Tom Brady is still dreamy.  And what a Loss, Man.

AFC South: Great adjustments by the Jaguars after the first quarter.  Peyton got lucky that he won the Manning bowl.  The Texans and the Titans…? 

NFC West: Jeff Wilkins is the new Marshall Faulk!  Kurt Warner is the new Kurt Warner!  Frank Gore is the new Roger Craig!  Deion Branch is the new Steve Largent! 

NFC North:  It much worse than we thought in Green Bay.  Detroit hangs with the Super Bowl champs; they must be the new power of the North.  The Bears can score (against the Packers).  Bald, 38-year old quarterbacks are sexy because they are winners.  

NFC East: It looks like Al Saunders might need more time to install that 700 page playbook which I’m sure gives Clinton Portis’ Dr. I Don’t Know character a bit more meaning in Washington.  There’s only one play in Coach Janky Spanky’s playbook: give the ball to Clinton Portis.  Tiki can run like the wind.  Bledsoe is on the hotseat.  The Eagles outrushed their opponents!          

NFC South: The south IS, in fact, dirrrrrty and they may need to stop getting crunk and start playing some football.  Like the Browns, the Saints look to be scrappy.  Chris Simms may not have any heart.  Let Michael Vick be Mike Vick.  We’re not worried about Carolina.   


Billy and Joey sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

September 8, 2006

Not exactly the picture you were expecting to see coming here, huh? But that’s the story after kickoff night last night. It’s not that the Steelers punched the Dolphins the mouth, it’s that Joey Porter kissed Bill Cowher on the neck, after a big interception.

Alikat said to me just hours before the game: “I just don’t know that Daunte can go out there and face a thug defense on two gimpy knees. I don’t think he can do it.”

We gotta admit, we love the leader of this thug defense who is secure enough in their sexuality to kiss his coach on national TV. Porter missed the cheek though, which is the more usual place to plant a big, male to male smooch.

It makes us wonder because kisses on our necks make us weak in the knees…