After a particularly dreary Saturday shopping, I woke up on Sunday morning depressed.
I mean really – who really wants to stand in line at H&M and then furthermore, wear skinny pants? Is there another cut of pants that can make my hips look wider? I defy anyone to find someone who actually looks good in tapered pants – it’s just not a good look! Not even Audrey looks good in them and if Audrey doesn’t look good, no one will. And leggings? Some trends need to stay in the 80’s. Give me New Wave Music and John Hughes and you can keep skinny pants and leggings.
But then my spirits were lifted by the beginning of Statement Sunday and then followed by Rebirth Monday! Whew, what a weekend!
Later this week, Alikat will give you a rundown on our picks, which has our pocketbooks hurting a little. I guess no skinny pants for me. Thank the lord for small miracles. Until then, here’s our patented, hurry up, no-huddle, two-minute recap of this weekend’s games:
Carolina 26, Tampa Bay 24: Steve Smith comes back and Keyshawn has a monster day against his former team. Would it be tasteless to say that due to his less than stellar play Chucky cut out Chris Simms’ spleen like he was the kid in Child’s Play? Simms wins our tough cookie award for playing the rest of the game with a ruptured spleen.
Chicago 19, Minnesota 16: Tough fought game and a hard break for Alikat and the Vikes. The Bears are neither cute nor cuddly and with this news, the NFC should be afraid.
Cincinnati 28, Pittsburgh 20: The Steelers often looked confused but don’t count on another performance like that as they get deeper into the season. Maybe the only way the Bengals can be stopped is if the team gets arrested, which isn’t out of the realm of imagination.
Green Bay 31, Detroit 24: Mary Milan rejoiced as Favre joined Dan Marino in the exclusive 400 TD club. It was nice to see Favre jump around like a kid again. Rod Marinelli may be the only good choice Matt Millen has made in his tenure as Lions GM.
Indianapolis 21, Jacksonville 14: The Jags just need some backbone to become a true power in the AFC South. Indy should be quaking in their boots, if it weren’t for that punt return TD, the game might have turned out differently. It’s not going to take long for the Jags to punch the Colts in the teeth.
N.Y. Jets 28, Buffalo 20: If you look at the stat line, you’d guess that Buffalo won big, but stats never tell the whole story. Chalk up another loss for the young Losman. And maybe we were wrong, maybe it’s not so hard to get it up to play for a Mangina.
Crotchery Cotchery only caught 3 passes. Mangina must be angry at him.
Miami 13, Tennessee 10: Imagine if the Fins had lost this game…yeesh. Imagine Ronnie Brown in a pair of skinny pants…triple wide load yeesh!!!
Washington 31, Houston 15: Apparently 700-page playbooks work really well against the worst team in the NFL. Al Saunders isn’t an offensive genius. He’s a bully. I think David Carr is dreamy. I just want to take care of him each time he gets hit.
Baltimore 15, Cleveland 14: Romeo, oh Romeo! Where for art thou run up the middle late in the game?! Clock management and tactics! These are lessons that you should have learned from Bill Belichick. The Ravens new offense sure looked a lot like their old offense.
Seattle 42, N.Y. Giants 30: The Giants should just spot their opponents four touchdowns and play the 4th quarter. It would cut down on the wear and tear of their players and they’ll win most of those games. As for Seattle and Shaun Alexander, we got three words for you: Madden Cover Curse.
Philadelphia 38, San Francisco 24: While the 49ers showed that they are spunky, putting up a fight after half, how the hell are they going to let 300+ pounder Mike Patterson rumble 98-yards for a touchdown? Every team needs a Ben Watson. On the Eagles side, I’m glad Patterson scored. It’s about time one of these big DTs made it to the house.
St. Louis 16, Arizona 14: Not only is Kurt Warner’s motherboard damaged, his hard drive has crashed. Any QB with the weapons he has should be putting up 30 points per game.
Denver 17, New England 7: New England looks flat. It’s what happens when you lose your heart and soul (Adam Vinatieri). Good on Jake Plummer for trying to not beat his own team this week.
New Orleans 23, Atlanta 3: I can’t imagine what it would have been like for the Falcons last night when the entire nation – except for a smattering of fans in Georgia – rooted against them. I don’t think that’s why they lost; it might be that they just aren’t that good. Don’t be surprised because the Saints might just be that good.
Lazziez les bon temps rouler!