While we love Gregg Easterbrook and his 5,000 word column Tuesday Morning Quarterback (nerds are sexy; football nerds are sexier), we’re all about brevity (with the big exception of activities inside the boudoir).
With that in mind, grab on to your socks because here we go with another round of the quickest recap available on the web:
Buffalo 16, Miami 6: The Loss Man gets a win; Culpepper and the Fins look confused.
Minnesota 16, Carolina 13 (OT): Ryan Longwell for MVP; John Fox’s Twin Cities Nightmare.
Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17: Who’s surprised that Who Dey is 2-0?; News flash: Kellen Winslow played in two games and barring injury in practice, he will play next weekend.
Chicago 34, Detroit 7: Chicago can score (against Detroit); Just because the Lions hung with the Super Bowl champs, doesn’t mean they’re actually good.
Indianapolis 43, Houston 24: Indy’s run game and defense are still suspect; Imagine if David Carr was on a semi-good team – it’s frightening how good he could be.
New Orleans 34, Green Bay 27: Dreamy Drew Brees’ arm is fine; Dreamy Brett Favre looks like her can play for another few years.
N.Y. Giants 30, Philadelphia 24 (OT): A false start, great finish; What a devastating loss for the Eagles, of the game and of Jevon Kearse.
Baltimore 28, Oakland 6: It’s the DT track club with Haloti Ngata last week Kelly Gregg this week gassing out on fumble recoveries; Hey, Terdell Sands played well for the Raiders. And on the bright side, I guarantee they won’t lose next week.
Atlanta 14, Tampa Bay 3: Atlanta looks good in the dirrrrty south; Another game like that and Jon Gruden is going to kill Chris Simms like he was in Child’s Play.
Seattle 21, Arizona 10: Seattle is the All-Average defending NFC champs; Kurt Warner’s motherboard must have gotten damaged again.
San Francisco 20, St. Louis 13: The kids are all right in SF; Ball control offense doesn’t necessarily equal a win in St. Louis.
Denver 9, Kansas City 6 (OT): Jake Plummer looks like he’s writing his ticket out of Denver; Come on Herm, you held them to 9 points. Now, you gotta score 10. I wonder if the loss of a 700 page playbook has anything to do with this.
New England 24, N.Y. Jets 17: Belichick bitch slaps the Mangina who left his stable of man whores; Crotchery Cotchery is quite a find for Mangina Mangini. Pennington still throws like a girl.
San Diego 40, Tennessee 7: Shawne Merriman as good as Junior Seau? As good as Lawrence Taylor?; Vince Young throws like Unlce Rico in Napoleon Dynamite.
Dallas 27, Washington 10: T.O. breaks finger and the Cowboys are glad that “Team Cancer” will be in remission for a few weeks; 700 page playbook and $2.5 million salary on offense and all Washington has to show is 26 points in two games?
Jacksonville 9, Pittsburgh 0: Loved Mike Williams’ intro of the Jaguar defense: “Linebackers – just three guys that hit everything that moves. Secondary – just 4 guys that cover everything that moves.”; We found Joey Porter’s impression of Dave Chappelle doing Howard Dean to be lacking, possibly even gay.
Alikat will be posting her picks recap later on in the day. By my quick count, we did pretty good!