It’s one week into the season and as we are the fairer minded gender, we’re not going to rush into any hard and fast judgements about what happened this past week, but we will give you the fastest weekend recap, mentioning every team in the NFL.
AFC West: Looks like the Chargers are going to be the team to beat in the West. The Raiders look confused, the Chiefs are hurt, and the Broncos have to beat their opponents and also not lose to Jake Plummer.
AFC North: We’re gonna need to see a few more games before we annoint the 2006 Ravens as the 2000 Ravens (and we’re gonna need more time to finish our AFC North preview). The Browns look scrappy and Charlie Frye looks like Jeff Garcia II. Pittsburgh and Cincinnati won.
AFC East: Chad Pennington still throws like a girl. Daunte Culpepper still makes dumb mistakes. Tom Brady is still dreamy. And what a Loss, Man.
AFC South: Great adjustments by the Jaguars after the first quarter. Peyton got lucky that he won the Manning bowl. The Texans and the Titans…?
NFC West: Jeff Wilkins is the new Marshall Faulk! Kurt Warner is the new Kurt Warner! Frank Gore is the new Roger Craig! Deion Branch is the new Steve Largent!
NFC North: It much worse than we thought in Green Bay. Detroit hangs with the Super Bowl champs; they must be the new power of the North. The Bears can score (against the Packers). Bald, 38-year old quarterbacks are sexy because they are winners.
NFC East: It looks like Al Saunders might need more time to install that 700 page playbook which I’m sure gives Clinton Portis’ Dr. I Don’t Know character a bit more meaning in Washington. There’s only one play in Coach Janky Spanky’s playbook: give the ball to Clinton Portis. Tiki can run like the wind. Bledsoe is on the hotseat. The Eagles outrushed their opponents!
NFC South: The south IS, in fact, dirrrrrty and they may need to stop getting crunk and start playing some football. Like the Browns, the Saints look to be scrappy. Chris Simms may not have any heart. Let Michael Vick be Mike Vick. We’re not worried about Carolina.