Week 5 Games Recap

Fourteen games this past week and you probably could have gone down the line and predicted the outcome of each.  With the exception of the Colts and Titans game, it went pretty much according to script.

While we would never advocate missing a weekend of football, we do kind of wish we went out and spent the day at the spa with our other, less football friendly girlfriends.  What do you want, we are girls… 

Chicago 40, Buffalo 7: I think it’s about time we put away the childish questions about who the best team in the NFC is and whether or not the Bears can score.  It would have been a shut out if Buffalo didn’t score a garbage time TD at the end.   
  
Carolina 20, Cleveland 12: The Panthers look to have gotten their claws back after a slow start.  They’re going to get tougher and tougher to beat.     

Minnesota 26, Detroit 17:  Maybe the second best defense in the NFC is in Minnesota.  The Lions are again one or two years away.  
  
New England 20, Miami 10:  Are you serious?  The Patriots beat the Bengals handily and then have a hard time with Harrington’s Dolphins?  Alikat says that Culpepper may go down in history as the Damon Wayans character in The Last Boy Scout.

St. Louis 23, Green Bay 20: This is a game Favre would have won three years ago with a functional offensive line to block for him.  Don’t blame Brett.  Blame the front office in Green Bay.  
 
New Orleans 24, Tampa Bay 21:  Best game of the weekend.  Big day in the NFL for rookie QBs.  Bruce Gradkowski is dreamy and firey.  Chris Simms’ career in Tampa Bay is over.  On the otherhand, Reggie Bush’s career in New Orleans has just begun. 
  
Indianapolis 14, Tennessee 13:  So which is it?  Indy’s offense out of synch or was it the Titan’s buzzsaw defense that kept the game close?  Either way, it was pretty embarassing.  We love seeing Peyton doing his “I’m disappointed” chin strap pull so to us,  this game was a treat.  Though Vince Young throws like Uncle Rico, he doesn’t look easily rattled.

N.Y. Giants 19, Washington 3: 700-page playbooks are inconsistent because you have way too many plays to choose from.  The Giants are also finally able to play four quarters of football. 
   
Kansas City 23, Arizona 20: Matt Leinart apparently got his Paris Hilton STDs cleared up for this game.  Losing Larry Fitzgerald is big but it looks like Leinart is going to be fine.  Kansas City scores some more.
   
Jacksonville 41, N.Y. Jets 0: Jack Del Rio bitch slaps you down silly Mangina.   
  
San Francisco 34, Oakland 20: Brie and wine beats bricks and beer.       

Philadelphia 38, Dallas 24: What a letdown that the Philly fans didn’t throw batteries but what a great game. Even with the great play of the Eagle defense, Dallas still had a chance to win.  That won’t sit well in practice this week.  And Dallas fans, I don’t think you guys really want Tony Romo.  You may not want Bledsoe, but you don’t want Romo.  Where’s Drew Henson when you need him?     

San Diego 23, Pittsburgh 13: The Steelers just aren’t the same as last year, or at least not the same yet.  Give them a few more weeks.  Also, it’s not like the Chargers are chopped liver.  Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that Phillip Rivers is really an NFL quarterback, not just some kid who hands off to LT.     

Denver 13, Baltimore 3: What did you expect?  Denver’s defense is FAST.  Baltimore’s defense is GOOD.  Both offenses sputter.  Did you expect it to be a track meet?  Did you know the Vegas over/under was like 35 or something?  Crazy. 

Week 3 Games Recap

After a particularly dreary Saturday shopping, I woke up on Sunday morning depressed.  

I mean really – who really wants to stand in line at H&M and then furthermore, wear skinny pants?  Is there another cut of pants that can make my hips look wider?  I defy anyone to find someone who actually looks good in tapered pants – it’s just not a good look!  Not even Audrey looks good in them and if Audrey doesn’t look good, no one will.  And leggings?  Some trends need to stay in the 80’s.  Give me New Wave Music and John Hughes and you can keep skinny pants and leggings.

But then my spirits were lifted by the beginning of Statement Sunday and then followed by Rebirth Monday!  Whew, what a weekend! 

Later this week, Alikat will give you a rundown on our picks, which has our pocketbooks hurting a little.  I guess no skinny pants for me.  Thank the lord for small miracles.   Until then, here’s our patented, hurry up, no-huddle, two-minute recap of this weekend’s games:

Carolina 26, Tampa Bay 24:  Steve Smith comes back and Keyshawn has a monster day against his former team.  Would it be tasteless to say that due to his less than stellar play Chucky cut out Chris Simms’ spleen like he was the kid in Child’s Play?  Simms wins our tough cookie award for playing the rest of the game with a ruptured spleen. 

Chicago 19, Minnesota 16:  Tough fought game and a hard break for Alikat and the Vikes.  The Bears are neither cute nor cuddly and with this news, the NFC should be afraid. 
  
Cincinnati 28, Pittsburgh 20: The Steelers often looked confused but don’t count on another performance like that as they get deeper into the season.  Maybe the only way the Bengals can be stopped is if the team gets arrested, which isn’t out of the realm of imagination.
   
Green Bay 31, Detroit 24:  Mary Milan rejoiced as Favre joined Dan Marino in the exclusive 400 TD club.  It was nice to see Favre jump around like a kid again.  Rod Marinelli may be the only good choice Matt Millen has made in his tenure as Lions GM.      
    
Indianapolis 21, Jacksonville 14: The Jags just need some backbone to become a true power in the AFC South.  Indy should be quaking in their boots, if it weren’t for that punt return TD, the game might have turned out differently.  It’s not going to take long for the Jags to punch the Colts in the teeth.
   
N.Y. Jets 28, Buffalo 20: If you look at the stat line, you’d guess that Buffalo won big, but stats never tell the whole story.  Chalk up another loss for the young Losman.  And maybe we were wrong, maybe it’s not so hard to get it up to play for a Mangina.  Crotchery  Cotchery only caught 3 passes.  Mangina must be angry at him.
   
Miami 13, Tennessee 10: Imagine if the Fins had lost this game…yeesh.  Imagine Ronnie Brown in a pair of skinny pants…triple wide load yeesh!!!  
    
Washington 31, Houston 15: Apparently 700-page playbooks work really well against the worst team in the NFL.  Al Saunders isn’t an offensive genius.  He’s a bully.  I think David Carr is dreamy.  I just want to take care of him each time he gets hit.
     
Baltimore 15, Cleveland 14: Romeo, oh Romeo!  Where for art thou run up the middle late in the game?!  Clock management and tactics!  These are lessons that you should have learned from Bill Belichick.  The Ravens new offense sure looked a lot like their old offense.  
    
Seattle 42, N.Y. Giants 30: The Giants should just spot their opponents four touchdowns and play the 4th quarter.  It would cut down on the wear and tear of their players and they’ll win most of those games.  As for Seattle and Shaun Alexander, we got three words for you: Madden Cover Curse.
   
Philadelphia 38, San Francisco 24: While the 49ers showed that they are spunky, putting up a fight after half, how the hell are they going to let 300+ pounder Mike Patterson rumble 98-yards for a touchdown?  Every team needs a Ben Watson.  On the Eagles side, I’m glad Patterson scored.  It’s about time one of these big DTs made it to the house.  

St. Louis 16, Arizona 14: Not only is Kurt Warner’s motherboard damaged, his hard drive has crashed.  Any QB with the weapons he has should be putting up 30 points per game. 

Denver 17, New England 7: New England looks flat.  It’s what happens when you lose your heart and soul (Adam Vinatieri).  Good on Jake Plummer for trying to not beat his own team this week.

New Orleans 23, Atlanta 3: I can’t imagine what it would have been like for the Falcons last night when the entire nation – except for a smattering of fans in Georgia – rooted against them.  I don’t think that’s why they lost; it might be that they just aren’t that good.  Don’t be surprised because the Saints might just be that good.  

Lazziez les bon temps rouler!

Week 3 Picks

I’m back after a long week of workin’ hard for my money! This girl needs a foot massage, cold beer, and a lot of football plus a little somthin’ extra!  I had a great week SU going 12-4,  but was a little pissed that some big teams didn’t take care of point spreads like they should have,  going just 9-7 ATS.

Bring it on this Sunday as we have a slew of great games!  Do the Jags keep rollin’?  The big mouth Chad Johnson is ready to fight back!  Bears vs Vikes in the Black & Blue Division!  Carolina and the Bucs fighting to stay alive already!  Are the Ravens due for another Shutout?  Turn on the AC/DC and let’s get to pickin’!  As always  SU-Straight Up and ATS-Against the Spread

1. Jets at Bills -6                          SU: Bills    ATS: Jets

2. Bengals at Steelers -1             SU: Steelers  ATS: Steelers

3. Jags at Colts -7                         SU: Jags       ATS: Jags

4. Titans at Dolphins -11             SU: Dolphins     ATS: Dolphins

5. Redskins at Texans +4            SU: Redskins     ATS: Redskins

6. Bears at Vikings +4                  SU: Vikings        ATS: Vikings

7. Panthers at Bucs +3                 SU: Panthers      ATS: Panthers

8. Packers at Lions -7                  SU: Lions             ATS: Packers

9. Ravens at Browns +7               SU: Ravens         ATS: Ravens

10. Rams at Cardinals -4 1/2      SU: Cardinals      ATS: Rams

11. Giants at Seahawks -3 1/2    SU: Giants           ATS: Giants

12. Eagles at 49ers +6 1/2           SU: Eagles           ATS: Eagles

13. Broncos at Patriots -7            SU: Patriots         ATS: Broncos

14. Falcons at Saints +4               SU: Falcons          ATS: Falcons

There they are guys!  The games I really like are: Ravens to cover vs Browns,  Jacksonville to beat the ATS vs Colts,  Jets to beat ATS vs Bills, Vikings to beat ATS vs Bears, Giants to beat ATS vs Seahawks, and Falcons to cover vs Saints!

Lots of underdogs this Sunday!  I always like more bite than bark in my boys! Well it’s time for the girls to go shopping for some new jeans and shoes.  We’ll see ya all at the bars this Sunday!

Luv ya!  Alikat and the girls–

Week 2 Games Recap

While we love Gregg Easterbrook and his 5,000 word column Tuesday Morning Quarterback (nerds are sexy; football nerds are sexier), we’re all about brevity (with the big exception of activities inside the boudoir).

With that in mind, grab on to your socks because here we go with another round of the quickest recap available on the web:

Buffalo 16, Miami 6: The Loss Man gets a win; Culpepper and the Fins look confused.

Minnesota 16, Carolina 13 (OT): Ryan Longwell for MVP; John Fox’s Twin Cities Nightmare.

Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17: Who’s surprised that Who Dey is 2-0?; News flash: Kellen Winslow played in two games and barring injury in practice, he will play next weekend.

Chicago 34, Detroit 7: Chicago can score (against Detroit); Just because the Lions hung with the Super Bowl champs, doesn’t mean they’re actually good.

Indianapolis 43, Houston 24: Indy’s run game and defense are still suspect; Imagine if David Carr was on a semi-good team – it’s frightening how good he could be.

New Orleans 34, Green Bay 27: Dreamy Drew Brees’ arm is fine; Dreamy Brett Favre looks like her can play for another few years.

N.Y. Giants 30, Philadelphia 24 (OT): A false start, great finish; What a devastating loss for the Eagles, of the game and of Jevon Kearse.

Baltimore 28, Oakland 6: It’s the DT track club with Haloti Ngata last week Kelly Gregg this week gassing out on fumble recoveries; Hey, Terdell Sands played well for the Raiders. And on the bright side, I guarantee they won’t lose next week.

Atlanta 14, Tampa Bay 3: Atlanta looks good in the dirrrrty south; Another game like that and Jon Gruden is going to kill Chris Simms like he was in Child’s Play.

Seattle 21, Arizona 10: Seattle is the All-Average defending NFC champs; Kurt Warner’s motherboard must have gotten damaged again.

San Francisco 20, St. Louis 13: The kids are all right in SF; Ball control offense doesn’t necessarily equal a win in St. Louis.

Denver 9, Kansas City 6 (OT): Jake Plummer looks like he’s writing his ticket out of Denver; Come on Herm, you held them to 9 points. Now, you gotta score 10. I wonder if the loss of a 700 page playbook has anything to do with this.

New England 24, N.Y. Jets 17: Belichick bitch slaps the Mangina who left his stable of man whores; Crotchery Cotchery is quite a find for Mangina Mangini. Pennington still throws like a girl.

San Diego 40, Tennessee 7: Shawne Merriman as good as Junior Seau? As good as Lawrence Taylor?; Vince Young throws like Unlce Rico in Napoleon Dynamite.

Dallas 27, Washington 10: T.O. breaks finger and the Cowboys are glad that “Team Cancer” will be in remission for a few weeks; 700 page playbook and $2.5 million salary on offense and all Washington has to show is 26 points in two games?

Jacksonville 9, Pittsburgh 0: Loved Mike Williams’ intro of the Jaguar defense: “Linebackers – just three guys that hit everything that moves. Secondary – just 4 guys that cover everything that moves.”; We found Joey Porter’s impression of Dave Chappelle doing Howard Dean to be lacking, possibly even gay.

Alikat will be posting her picks recap later on in the day. By my quick count, we did pretty good!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Here’s Chucky! I know Jon Gruden hates that nickname, but come on! He still looks like your young Science teacher/Volleyball coach from high school who would scream at you for missing that ‘set’ or not understanding your chemistry equations.

Chris Simms is ready to take off this year (we’ll see…) and make people forget about his Daddy. The Bucs got a great ride in Cadillac Williams and what more can you say about that D. Although starting to show some age I think they have one more great year left in the tank.

The Bucs are tough to beat in Florida! If Simms takes off, Cadillac runs smooth, and the old men on D stay healthy Chucky will be smiling (intensely of course) well into January!

Week 2 Picks

Another Sunday is here and I’m getting hot just thinking about all those divisional games! We’re gonna find out real early who’s in trouble and who’s looking to surprise people this year. 

Do the Panthers lose 2 in a row?  How about the Cowboys and all the T.O. talk?   Do the Lions pull an upset?  Bledsoe, Brunell, and Plummer who’s gonna be the first to lose their job? 

So let’s get to it boys!  Remember, SU = Straight up, ATS = Against the Spread.

1. Oakland at Baltimore -13: SU: Baltimore, ATS: Baltimore 

2. Houston at Indy -14: SU: Indy, ATS: Indy

3. Cleveland at Cincy -11: SU: Cincy, ATS: Cleveland

4. Buffalo at Miami -6 1/2:  SU: Miami, ATS: Miami

5. Detroit at Chicago -8 1/2:  SU: Chicago, ATS: Detroit

6. Carolina at Minnesota -1 1/2:  SU: Minnesota, ATS: Minnesota

7. N.Y. Giants at Philly -3:  SU: Giants, ATS: Giants

8. Tampa Bay at Atlanta -6:  SU: Tampa Bay, ATS: Tampa Bay

9. New Orleans at Green Bay +3:  SU: Green Bay, ATS: Green Bay

10. St. Louis at San Fran +3:  SU: San Francisco, ATS: San Francisco

11. Arizona at Seattle -7:  SU: Seattle, ATS: Seattle

12. New England at Jets +6 1/2:  SU: New England, ATS: New England

13. Tennessee at San Diego -12:   SU: San Diego, ATS: San Diego

14. Kansas City at Denver -11:  SU: Denver, ATS: Denver

15. Washington at Dallas -7:  SU: Dallas, ATS: Dallas

16. Pittsburgh at Jacksonville +3:  SU: Pittsburgh, ATS: Pittsburgh

A lot of great games!  Put a tight T-shirt on your favorite girl…throw in some hot wings & cold beer and you boys should be gettin’ down tomorrow afternoon!  Back at ya on Tuesday!

Luv,

AliKat and the girls!

Week One Picks Recap

Well, the games are all in and I’m shaking my ass a little! I always say the first couple of weeks of the season are the toughest; you’re wondering who is up to game speed when it counts and who are just the pretenders. I wasn’t the sharpest cutie in the world this weekend, but I did call some upsets and you can’t beat my pick of Seattle to win straight up but lose the spread!

Here’s a recap of how we faired with our picks from last week.  We’ll get through this faster than a three minute pump chump! 

1. Pitt was tough to beat at home with that great D and the usual Daunte screwups.  Won straight up; Won the spread. 

2. Falcons put it together every other year. We must be in the “good year.” Vick looks like he’s been listening to Sinatra and is going to do it his way this season. Is Carolina over-hyped? I had trouble with this pick knowing that Steve Smith was going to be out but I still thought Carolina at home was good.  Boy was I wrong!  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

3. Ravens took it to the Bucs like Jack Daniels and beer take it to your head the next morning. Ravens look like the old Ravens on D from 6 years ago. Bucs better get Simms right before their season gets ruined fast.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

4. Couldn’t go wrong here could I?  Almost… lost the spread here but Tom ‘Hottie’ Brady pulled this one out just before ‘you know what’!  Won straight up; lost the spread.

5. Cincy took care of business like I thought. The line ended up being -1 and it was a steal.  Just because Herm Edwards took over as coach doesn’t mean the Chiefs will have a good D.  Won straight up; won the spread.

6. This game was one of two that really f’ing pissed me off! Denver is a much better team than this and they usually come prepared to win. Well, aberrations happen.  I’ll still be picking them a lot this year.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

7. The Saints go marching in! Fun game to watch! I did think Cleveland would show some more offense. Even though I lost this one I love the fact that New Orleans has something to cheer about this week and I still believe the Browns will have some upsets in store for people this season. Lost straight up; lost the spread.

8. The Jets find Chad Pennington’s arm and it’s in Nashville! Gotta tell you I did wrestle with this one but had to go with the Titans at home. Good series for Vince Young until the INT but he’ll start showing up more and more. The Jets offensive line is young and going to be a good one as time goes by.  Lost straight up; lost the spread.

9. Philly was an easy pick, even when they got down 7-0 early. The Texans are regretting the Mario pick as we write. They still don’t have the players to compete and they don’t know how to win yet. Philly is looking tough again and McNabb looks more fit than ever. Won straight up; won the spread.

10. Here’s where I look like the genius that I can be from time to time. I told you they would win but not cover! Seattle has not been the best on the road and they got some shots put on them by the Marine(lli) led Lions. The Seahawks are going to miss Steve Hutchinson opening holes for you know who! They barely won the game but didn’t cover, proving that my ass still looks good even though I’m getting close to 28.  Won straight up; won the spread. 

11. Da Bears ran roughshod over Brett Favre! This one got ugly and I think everybody thought it would except those that live in Wisconsin. Backstreet boy Rex even threw a long TD pass. Won straight up; won the spread.

12. This was the other game that really pissed me off! Drew Bledsoe cost me money and I don’t like losing money on stupid f’ing INTs! This was ridiculous. Dallas had a chance to put the Jags away early and didn’t. Gotta hand it to the Jags they hung in there and played well in the second half, but please, without those INTs in this game, Dallas would have been the winner. Lost straight up; lost the spread.

13. The Cardinals are for real! Just hold on boys – yes they looked good on offense (again) but they should have easily covered this game by putting away the Niners early. The fact that they didn’t leaves plenty of questions on defense. The Niners have a much more mature Alex Smith and a good back in Gore. Look to play on them in some upset specials this season. Won straight up; lost the spread.

14. Indy just got by a very good Giants team. Had it not been for that terrible push off call on Tim Carter and some dumb mistakes by the Giants offensive line, this one would have gone to the home team. Giants will be a good team to put money on this year. Well coached, good lines on both sides, and some playmakers on both sides.  Won straight up; won the spread. 

15. Ahh! Another orgasm! Gotta love upsets on Monday nights! I don’t know what in the hell is all this bullshit hype about the Redskins this year. Due to a lot of luck last year they got by with a 10-6 record and then upset the Bucs in the playoffs. Trust me on this one -They’re a 8-8 team unless the ball bounces in their favor or some QB has an awful day. The Vikings are going to surprise people this year with a new head coach and Steady Eddie Brad Johnson at the helm. Look to play on them as underdogs this year! Won straight up; won the spread.

16. Did anyone think this would actually be a good game?  LT always goes off against the Raider nation and Aaron Brooks never fails to disappoint! The Raiders are a ship lost in a hurricane and the Chargers are looking to make a run at the AFC title. How about that ‘cutie’ Shawne Merriman?  Won straight up; won the spread.

There they are boys.  We have record of 9-7 straight up and 7-9 on the spread after the first week.  It’s not the best first week but that’s why it’s a LONG SEASON so keep coming back and listening to us.  Just like sex, it always gets better after the first time! 😉 

Week One Recap

It’s one week into the season and as we are the fairer minded gender, we’re not going to rush into any hard and fast judgements about what happened this past week, but we will give you the fastest weekend recap, mentioning every team in the NFL.

AFC West: Looks like the Chargers are going to be the team to beat in the West.  The Raiders look confused, the Chiefs are hurt, and the Broncos have to beat their opponents and also not lose to Jake Plummer. 

AFC North: We’re gonna need to see a few more games before we annoint the 2006 Ravens as the 2000 Ravens (and we’re gonna need more time to finish our AFC North preview).  The Browns look scrappy and Charlie Frye looks like Jeff Garcia II.  Pittsburgh and Cincinnati won.   

AFC East: Chad Pennington still throws like a girl.  Daunte Culpepper still makes dumb mistakes.  Tom Brady is still dreamy.  And what a Loss, Man.

AFC South: Great adjustments by the Jaguars after the first quarter.  Peyton got lucky that he won the Manning bowl.  The Texans and the Titans…? 

NFC West: Jeff Wilkins is the new Marshall Faulk!  Kurt Warner is the new Kurt Warner!  Frank Gore is the new Roger Craig!  Deion Branch is the new Steve Largent! 

NFC North:  It much worse than we thought in Green Bay.  Detroit hangs with the Super Bowl champs; they must be the new power of the North.  The Bears can score (against the Packers).  Bald, 38-year old quarterbacks are sexy because they are winners.  

NFC East: It looks like Al Saunders might need more time to install that 700 page playbook which I’m sure gives Clinton Portis’ Dr. I Don’t Know character a bit more meaning in Washington.  There’s only one play in Coach Janky Spanky’s playbook: give the ball to Clinton Portis.  Tiki can run like the wind.  Bledsoe is on the hotseat.  The Eagles outrushed their opponents!          

NFC South: The south IS, in fact, dirrrrrty and they may need to stop getting crunk and start playing some football.  Like the Browns, the Saints look to be scrappy.  Chris Simms may not have any heart.  Let Michael Vick be Mike Vick.  We’re not worried about Carolina.