Philadelphia Eagles

The good news is that Terrell Owens is now Bill Parcells’ problem (ah of course, their grand plan was to ship out Owens so they could bring in Jeff Garcia to back up McNabb). 

The bad news is that Andy Reid may not be willing to relinquish his title as the West Coast Offense’s version of Mike Martz.  They actually outpassed the pass happy Rams last year with a staggering 620 pass attempts.  Let us appropriate one of the most famous Philadelphian women: as Adrian Balboa told Rocky in Rocky IV, “you can’t win!” if you can’t run.

The NFC East is probably the most volatile and competitve division in the NFC and where the Eagles land will depend largely on whether or not Donovan McNabb can return to form from the sports hernia that he got as a result of being the Madden 06 cover athlete.  Donte’ Stallworth, L.J. Shelton, and Brian Westbrook, give McNabb weapons on offense.

Their defense will be effective.  A healthy Jeremiah Trotter means that opposing offenses will have to think twice before running up the middle and with Jevon Kearse and Darren Howard on the ends, the Eagles pass rush will be deadly.  Michael Lewis and Brian Dawkins, their hard hitting safeties, will give receivers something to think about when they drift deep or across the middle.   

The Eagles will be no pushovers this season if they stay healthy but they probably will be in a tooth and nail fight for third place all season long.  If you’re an Eagles fan, you better pray that Mama McNabb is cooking up a bunch of Chunky Soup to keep the boys hale and hearty through the long season.    

The New York Football Giants

Pity the New York Football Giants.  It not any real weakness or the fact they have the a Manning at quarterback (the famous first family of choke) that will be the source of their demise; their Achillies Heel this season is that they play one of the toughest schedules in the NFL year.

They have the Manning Bowl to open the season (aka: the only bowl a Manning is assured to win), then Philly, Seattle and Washington in the first five weeks. 

It is quite possible that they are 3-6 in the first nine games before they get any relief in their November 5th game against Houston.  And it’s not like their second half of the season gets any easier.

If The Giants have any chance, Eli must stop looking harried and confused under pressure and take advantage of Tiki Barber’s workmanlike rushing game which will force defenses to crowd the box.  Eli’s got weapons in Plaxico Burress, Jeremy Shockey, and Amani Toomer.

The Giants have also added to their defense, hoping the LaVar Arrington, Will Demps, and Sam Madison will improve consistency on the other side of the ball.  If the Giants very talented defensive ends (Michael Strahan, Osi Umenyiora and backups Justin Tuck and Mathias Kiwanuka) can raise the talent of those playing around them, this will be a defense to reckon with.         

San Francisco 49ers

I love the 49ers. 

Not because they are good or that as golddiggers, they are named after some of my more base lady friends.  No, it’s because they have this god of man named Vernon Davis for me to drool over. 

Look at him and if if you are a man, you shall find yourself lacking.  And you would be right.

As for the team, there’s not a whole lot to say.  They seem to have had a good draft, adding some football players to a team that was in desperate need of them.  With Vernon Davis, aka: the Pure Expression of Manhood, Manny Lawson, Delanie Walker, and Michael Robinson, you can expect some fun and interesting sets this year.

Perhaps in a few years, after Mike Nolan and company are able to address their many issues on defense and Alex Smith grows into the leader many think he will be, the 49ers will rise again in glory.  Unfortunately, for all you diehards, this year will only be a first, tentative step on this journey.  Rest assured, they will be a little better than last year, but no better than 4-6 wins. 

Now go away and let me continue daydreaming about Vernon Davis (and no, it does not bother me that his initials spell out VD.  Stop hating).

Arizona Cardinals

Hope really springs eternal in the desert.  At the beginning of every football season, the Cardinals are at the top of every fan and pundits list to finally put it all together to be an unstoppable force in the NFC west.  Every year, the Cardinals will be the NFL’s surprise team.

At the end of every year, a different story emerges, one of unmet potential and disappointment.

Will this year be any different?  On the surface, it seems like the Cards are REALLY primed to explode in the NFC west.  They’ve added Edgerrin James to  arguably the most explosive wide receiver corps in the NFL. 

But alas no, not this year.  No matter the offensive talent, the O-line still can’t block.  Even if Kurt Warner, the first ever robot QB, has repaired its busted motherboard and is able to return to the days when its Terminator like efficiency reigned supreme on the football field (even though it only has one ring to show for it – how’s that for the triumph of the human spirit?), it’ll get busted again when the line misses a blitzing cornerback.  I mean it’s not saying a whole lot when your best blocker is your new running back.  And the defense remains suspect.

But then again, if Shaun Alexander gets kissed by the Madden Cover Curse and if the Rams can’t stay healthy, maybe the Cardinals win the west by default.  That is of course if Matt Leinart doesn’t give the whole team the STDs he’s picked up from that skank Paris Hilton.