New England Patriots

Is Bill Belichick crying over the partings of his sweet, sweet Romeo and the best Mangina in his stable? I doubt it. If he is crying, he’s crying that Adam Vinatieri, arguably the key to the Pat’s three Super Bowl victories, has signed with the rival Colts – the Patriots won three Super Bowls by a field goal and I don’t think Tom Brady kicked those field goals.

It doesn’t matter that he recently broke a bone in his foot. What matters is that the heart and soul of the Patriots, whose middle name is “Clutch,” is replaced by a guy whose middle name is “Who?” (Stephen Gostkowski). The Pats sure have had a great run at reloading lost talent but Scott Pioli (VP of Player Personnel) and Bill Belichick may be running out of rabbits to pull out of their tricornes.

For example, what did they do to address their secondary? Throw a party when Rodney Harrison was medically cleared for football like activities. Harrison will help their INT/TD’s allowed ratio (10/25 last year) but he’s also 33 years old returning from a torn ACL. Maybe Belichick will convert Troy Brown to a full time corner because God knows Asante Samuels and Ellis Hobbs will need some help.

ABC is reporting that the Raiders have just traded Doug Gabriel to the Patriots for a draft pick. This will help Tom Brady if the whole Deion Branch situation ends badly. Gabriel is a big, burly receiver and as a perennial underachiever, he’s the perfect candidate for a breakout season with Brady throwing him passes. I also like Laurence Maroney spelling Corey Dillion’s aging legs.

But, the reason why the Patriots will win the AFC East again is not because of Tom Brady or Belichick or Pioli, or anybody on the team; it’s because they have the 3rd easiest schedule in the AFC. Their opponents this year boast a 47% winning percentage from last year.

Minnesota Vikings

Don’t know about you boys but the last time I had a day off in Miny-Sota I thought I’d get a few shots of Tequila in me, turn on some Dr. Dre, and see if I could ‘cut it’ on the NASCAR circuit! Poor Koren went the way of so many talented ballplayers in this organization over the last 2 decades– THE DUI WAY! Having spent some time in the state over the years I can empathize with these guys. There’s really only a few things to do in the land of 11,528 lakes–Play sports, hunt, fish, and DRINK!

The Vikes will miss Robinson this year especially in the early part of the season but despite not having a #1 receiver they got a boatload of good #2’s which is plenty for the most underated QB in all of football, Brad ‘Super Bowl Ring’ Johnson. What is it with this guy. He constantly wins at a 61% clip, keeps a great clubhouse, doesn’t make mistakes in the red zone, and doesn’t shake his booty on stairwells at 2am. If he remains healthy the Vikes will be in most of their games this year especially the 2nd half of the season.

The additions of Steve Hutchinson, Tony Richardson, Chester Taylor, and Ryan Longwell will give this team an ability to control the clock and be much more dangerous inside the 30 yd line this season. By moving to the Tampa 2 the very talented D-Line will shine by getting a bunch of sacks and free up a pretty solid secondary to run around and make plays. There are still question marks with the LB’s, and losing #1 pick Chad Greenway really hurt in terms of depth but these Vikes will be a very tough team to deal with under new coach Brad ‘Baldy’ Childress, ‘I think Bald Guys are pretty cute, much more so than all you Hair Club for Men boys’!

So drink up Viking fans– Just make sure you do it the way Alikat and her girls do it, PAY FOR A FRICKIN’ DRIVER!